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I debated whether toput her to bed as a girl or a boy. She hadn't worn the cute pajama setyet. I had already taken the tags off, so I couldn't return it. Onemore time couldn't make a difference. After Jamie was snuggled in bedwith her doll next to her, I quietly left, looking back at what probablywould be the last night I spent with Jamie as my daughter.I went into my bedroom and got ready for bed. It was still early, so Iwent downstairs to watch TV. I didn't want a TV in our room when Jim wasalive. We had better things to do when he was home. There was no reasonI couldn't have one now. I tried to watch a current events program, butI was too distracted by rehearsing in my mind what I was going to say toJenny tomorrow. I didn't come to any resolution and about ten o'clock Igave up. I got into bed and made sure the alarm was set for seventhirty. I tossed and turned, looking at the clock which crept along inten minute increments, until I finally fell asleep around. Feel the beat in you. Notice how it starts with four beats and then the rhythm changes to a 3-3-2 beat then back to four. The four beats are your steps for moving in straight directions either left or right or backward or forward. The 3-3-2 are when you make your turns, two steps and turn. Got that?” I asked. “Now get up and remember to keep your center of balance directly under you; don’t lean. Keep your back straight and your center of balance directly centered under you at all times. Listen to me as from time to time I will have you move in different directions.” She started moving on the mats to the music. However, she kept going back to trying to move faster than the beat. After ten minutes, I stopped her. “Marcy, why aren’t you following the beat?” “I am trying to visualize the movement and speeding into it.” She answered. “There are no movements. You are just dancing. I don’t want you to think Judo. I want you to dance for me. Again, just dance.” Forty-five minutes later, I.
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